So I am trying very hard to not think too much about the state of my parents and everything going on there. I realized after that Thursday, I have a LOT of anger toward my mom, and I really thought I was over it, and maybe I really was. I feel guilty for being angry with someone who at this point probably cannot even correct the situation or truly understand what is going on, but there it is. I am so angry, and I do not know what to do with it.

But I kind of still do need to think about them because I mean that is why I live down the street lol...dad's pneumonia is not really improving that we can see, and he goes in for a check up tomorrow. Mom is also not improving, neither in her pain nor her odd behavior and I know my dad is suffering in many ways because of it...one being his health. She is going to the doctor today, so I hope they figure out something, and they say maybe she has another UTI and that is why she is acting so crazy. What bugs me is they said that several weeks ago, before her pain or behavior got this bad, and they never followed up on it, so if that is really what has been going on sheesh....

ANYWAY, I am finally pretty caught up on housework and cooking and the like. I have started making my own things like tortillas, salsa, tomato sauce (A LOT of tomato sauce!!)...it is really quite rewarding. I know I am not the best at everything yet but I am learning a lot and I think I am getting better at some things. Basically the only things I ever buy prepared anymore are tortilla chips, yogurt (sometimes....although I did make somewhat successful yogurt and plan to make it again...) and ice cream, which we are also planning on getting an ice cream maker soon and making that ourselves, too. Oh and peanut butter..but that's because I don't have a vitamix, haha. The only down side to all this is I am extremely picky these days and usually don't like food that I don't make myself and I guess that can be a problem.

I am still really enjoying my work, it is getting a lot easier for me to handle. I mean, it is still pretty hard work, but I am learning how to pace myself better and also I am getting stronger. The people I work with are pretty sweet, too. Speaking of work, it is about time to get started. I have been bringing my laptop most days because it is just about the only time I get on the internet anymore...I guess maybe it is good to have one less expense, but it sure is nice to be able to pull up movies and recipes and play yoville at home whenever I want...sigh

see you later.

Okay so my dad has been in the hospital since Saturday being treated for pneumonia. He is not coughing anything up and that is concerning. They said he has problems swallowing and that may be what caused the infection, so they are going to start therapy for his swallowing, whatever that means, and they make him put a gross thickener in his liquids.

They do believe he had a small heart attack but the damage was not enough to do anything further for him regarding that, but they are monitoring him. Anyway, they can't do anything while he has the pneumonia.

So, Shane and I have been taking turns taking care of my mom...we tried doing it together at first and realized we just need to take breaks. I didn't realize how severe the workload really is until I am doing it full time myself. I have no question in my mind what has caused my father's health issues, this is just so much. Right now my sister is staying over a couple of nights so that Shane and I can work, so that is really helpful. I don't know what needs to happen when my dad comes home, but I don't want to send him right back to the hospital so we need to figure out a new situation, at least temporarily or something.

Please pray for us, we really need wisdom. I really need to not go crazy or die. I am so stressed out, I feel so much of this burden on me, and like I am the one who needs to make sure everything is taken care of...and I couldn't feel less capable.

I am sorry for sounding so abysmal, I am just having a really hard time right now.

Ok bye.

So, my job...kind of kicks my butt. Basically, I walk 15 minutes to work and start about 9:30am. I scrub pots and pans for a couple of hours, take a quick break, get drinks and things ready before lunch starts, and then I hurry and eat before everyone else finishes and starts bringing their trays back. After the lunch hour I have someone else helping me, but from the time I finish eating I'm busy non-stop stacking, rinsing, loading and unloading dishes for about 2 1/2 or 3 hours, sweep and mop and then I'm finished sometime around 3:30 or 4pm. In addition to doing this 3 days a week, I am going to be helping with food prep some Wednesdays from 8am until 1:30pm.

I am having a difficult time adjusting to the work load and my new schedule...I think it wouldn't be so hard if I wasn't still pushing myself to try to keep the house in order and make all my food from scratch, plus added stresses and duties with family. Honestly, I am purposefully trying to stay away from the family stress because I am just so exhausted I cannot handle it, and I am not directly involved in any of it anyway so I do not see why I should kill myself. Seriously, I can feel the stress enough already in my body, then I am working just about all day long every day and I just cannot seem to rest up very well.

So actually, although that whole paragraph may seem sort of negative, I really am enjoying my life! Yes, I am tired, but, life is good and I am thankful. And I love my hubbie!! He is the best!

I think we will be getting internet set up to our apartment sometime within a week or so, until then I will update again when I can.